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I have a confession. I’m a perfectionist. To be clear, this doesn’t mean that everything in my life is perfect. In fact, most of it is far, far from it. The reality is I just want it to be perfect. You too might be suffering from perfectionism.
Do any of these “symptoms” from Healthline sound familiar?
feel like you fail at everything you try
procrastinate regularly — you might resist starting a task because you’re afraid that you’ll be unable to complete it perfectly
struggle to relax and share your thoughts and feelings
become very controlling in your personal and professional relationships
become obsessed with rules, lists, and work, or alternately, become extremely apathetic
Well, if it does, you’re in good company.
As it turns out, when it comes to homeschooling our children, a lot of us, maybe even most of us demonstrate some perfectionistic tendencies. Our list of symptoms look something like this:
feel like no matter what curriculum, planner or Pinterest tip you try, it fails.
procrastinate making changes, doing hands-on projects, or asking for help because it might not be the “right thing.”
forsake relaxing to research curriculum, lesson planning, learning struggles, and other tips and tricks.
white knuckle the curriculum and the schedule and have lost sight of the goal and the benefits.
obsess over checklists and learning gaps, trying to not miss anything or, instead, looking more and more like an unschooler every day.
Ouch. That list stings a bit, doesn’t it?
I’m writing this and even I don’t like what I’m saying.
The thing is, homeschooling is not about checklists, schedules, curriculum or learning gaps. There is no perfect homeschool. No perfect curriculum. No perfect planner. No perfect co-op or program. And anyone who tells you so is simply trying to sell you something. (double ouch!)
Homeschooling is actually about progress.
Think back to when you first started homeschooling. Remember how excited you were when your child first displayed understanding of a lesson you’d taught. Maybe it was learning to read or learning the distributive property.
For me, it was when my son learned cursive and stopped reversing his bs and ds. Success! Did this mean he could write a 500 word essay? Not yet. Would it be appropriate for me to expect so? Of course not. Nor would it be appropriate — nor helpful — for me to have expected him to have perfect handwriting from then on.
Or how about the time my daughter finally pronounced Ls correctly. For what seemed like forever, she’d made the “yuh” sound instead, as in “can I have a yick of your jeyyo?” But one day, after reminding her over and over and over to stick her tongue out there and say “llll” she did it! Hooray! I was THE perfect homeschool mom. I’d finally figured this thing out. I had it down! Boom!
Or so I thought. For about five minutes until the next challenge presented itself and I determined I was an utter failure and would ruin my kids forever.
Can you relate?
It’s easy for us to consider what we know and can do as adults and forget that we didn’t learn it all at once. Our first attempt at a book report was not worthy of publishing in the New York Post. It probably was pretty awful.
So what am I saying?
Well, first, I’m reminding you that learning comes in fits and starts. A little here. A little there. A looooooong plateau that seems to never end. An obstacle that seems completely unscaleable. And then a huge leap forward, a skip over a reading level overnight.
As long as you’re moving forward, even at a glacial pace, you’re making progress.
Second, I’m reminding you that you don’t need the perfect solution to whatever is plaguing you today. You just need the right solution and what is right for you may not be what is right for your friend who seemingly has it all together. Her tips and advice are great, but what works for her right now may not work for you and may not work for her forever. And that’s okay.
Homeschooling is not one-size-fits-all. There’s no perfect in homeschooling.
Lastly, I’m reminding you that your child isn’t perfect but you still love him. And that’s good! You’re not perfect either and God still loves you. It’s good to do our best and give all our effort. It’s bad to think that is going to somehow produce perfection. It’s good to try again until we get it down. But it’s bad to obsess about it until we lose the point of the lesson.
Perfect isn’t achievable in most cases. But excellence is and that should be our goal.
So, mama, put down the planner. Step away from Pinterest. Delete the text comparing yourself to another mom. Take a long, deep breath. Remind yourself why you’re doing this. Take a break from academics and go play with your kids.
Today, instead of measuring yourself agains the impossible standard of perfection, just measure your progress and be grateful for how far you’ve come.
If perfectionism is ruining your homeschool and stealing your joy, let us help! We’d love to have coffee with you and talk it through.
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